daughter (born October 15, 1960, 5am, Paris, France) is married
to a man who is very unkind to me. She and her husband are
quick to ask me for financial help or to baby-sit their children,
but are otherwise very cold and uncaring. I love my daughter
and my grandchildren. I don't want to alienate myself from
their family by criticizing my son-in-law. What can I do?
Mom (born March 15, 1933, 8:05pm GMT) Toulon, France.
Dear Wounded Mom,
wish I had a simple answer to your question. The relationship
between a mother and her daughter is seldom easy and always
complex. Indeed, a detailed comparison between your chart
and your daughter's reveals many shared themes and issues.
method of approaching your dilemma is to look at the placement
of your Moons. The Moon rules how we experience our feelings--not
"what" we feel but "how" we feel. The Moon tells the story
of the mother, from our birth mother to the Divine Mother.
Among its many roles, the Moon is the Maternal Principle.
Moon in Scorpio squares your daughter's Moon in Leo. Scorpio
Moons are intense, passionate and deep. Ruling the great mysteries
of life--sex, death, the process of transformation, and other
people's values--Scorpio is where we meet the edges of personal
power and grapple with what we cannot control. Wrestling with
these issues ultimately teaches us to trust. But arriving
at true trust takes lots of hard personal work. A Scorpio
Moon must examine their motives and be willing to release
the need to manipulate and coerce.
Scorpio Moon trines your Pluto in Cancer. Pluto rules Scorpio
and shares Scorpio's themes. So your Moon Pluto trine amplifies
the themes of power, control and trust. What's more, the Sign
of Cancer is ruled by the Moon, and likewise shares the themes
of mothering. Being a mom is very important to you. You're
passionate about your children and care a great deal about
their well being. That very same concern could cause you to
daughter's Moon is in Leo. She, too, is learning about trust
but from a different angle. Leo is all about taking risks.
Leo leaps into life, and its willingness to embrace life's
uncertainties builds the courage to be. Like a Scorpio Moon,
a Leo Moon is also passionate. But this is a fiery passion
aimed at self-expression. A Leo Moon is learning to trust
itself. When a Leo Moon feels unappreciated, the shadows of
false bravado or self-doubt color emotional responses. When
those negative patterns set in, a Leo Moon becomes shrill
or collapses in shut down.
daughter's Leo Moon is conjunct Uranus. Uranus embodies the
principle of freedom. Together, the Moon and Uranus generate
the need to be emotionally independent. Your daughter can't
be under anyone's thumb. She wants and needs to stand on her
own. So even asking you for help, particularly financial help,
creates inner conflict. Needing the very person you're trying
to break away from sets the stage for stress--inside and out.
Add to the mix your need to take care of her, and you've got
the potential for hurt feelings, misunderstandings, unrealistic
demands and resentment--on both sides.
knowing your son-in-law's chart, it's impossible for me to
see how you two relate. But here's something to consider.
He may be consciously or unconsciously voicing your daughter's
internal conflict. What's more, he could also be expressing
his discomfort with their mutual reliance on you. He could
be ashamed about needing your help and his "meanness" might
be a cover for his embarrassment.
back and try to look at it objectively. A detached point of
view will diminish the charge, soothe your hurt feelings,
and allow you to gain a deeper understanding of your family's
issues. Working through these themes is a process. It will
take time. But you have the capacity to intuit what lies beneath
the surface behavior. Use your intuition. Be patient. And
don't let anything spoil your time with your grandchildren.