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Dear Ralfee:
 I
am trying to get a compatibility chart done for my boyfriend and me. He
was born April 8, 1964, in Cambridge, Massachusetts at 1:43 pm EST. I
was born on November 11, 1965, in Brooklyn, New York at 2:14 am EST. Any
info you could provide would be helpful.
Thank you,
C.
Dear C.:
Both you
and your boyfriend are currently under a lot of astro-stress. Saturn,
Uranus and Pluto are all affecting your individual birth charts. Whenever
we experience important personal transits, our relationships reflect the
intensity. So my hunch is you're wondering if your relationship is ultimately
worth the effort it will take to make it work.
While astrology
can't determine the ultimate value of any relationship, an astrological
perspective can highlight the positive and negative ties that bind. But
before comparing your charts, it's important to understand both your individual
relationship themes and what's currently causing turmoil in your lives.
Intimate
connections with significant others always trigger family of origin dynamics.
When we love someone, deep unconscious patterns rise to the surface. These
imprints, formed during the earliest years of childhood, affect how we
relate to ourselves and to others for the rest of our lives. Even if we've
done a ton of therapy, and think we've worked through all our issues,
an intimate relationship always reveals another facet of this emotional
template.
As karma
would have it, we are often drawn to people who replicate our family patterns.
What's more, we gravitate to people who share the very same issues—even
if they don't appear to at first.
Since you
asked for advice, I'll start with your birth chart. Your natal chart contains
several planetary contacts that speak to relationship issues. And Pluto
is currently hitting all of these planets hard.
First, you
were born with a Pluto-Moon square. The Moon symbolizes the mother. Pluto
represents issues of power and control. Squares create friction. Pluto
square your Moon is an indication of a difficult relationship with your
mother. This tension often manifests as power struggles.
As well-intentioned
as your mother may have been, her message to you, overt or covert, was
“do it my way and you'll get my love.” And while you may have actively
resisted her demands as a teenager, when you were a small child, you didn't
really have a choice. The result may be an unconscious belief that in
order to be loved, you need to be useful.
On the positive
end of the Pluto-Moon spectrum, you are passionate, highly intuitive,
and have an unrelenting need for emotional authenticity. Feelings matter.
A lot. But handling that kind of emotional intensity as a child was difficult.
So it's more than likely you were often criticized for being too intense
and too sensitive.
What's more,
your natal Saturn squares your Moon. Saturn is a disciplinarian, and often
manifests its stern voice in the form of criticism. Saturn square the
Moon amplifies your mother's need to be in control and adds a critical
tone to her admonitions. Her litany of what could be better about you
damaged your self-esteem. Indeed, a sense that something is wrong with
you may still shackle you to self-criticism or make you highly critical
of others.
But that's
not all. Your natal Mercury opposes your Moon and Saturn squares
Mercury. This configuration increases an already too-tense situation.
Mercury is in your Third House of communication. You may have spent a
great deal of your young life searching for just the right words to express
your feelings. But because of the impact of Saturn, you may have often
felt misunderstood, frustrated and unappreciated.
At the moment,
transiting Pluto is sitting on your natal Mercury, as it simultaneously
squares your Saturn and opposes your Moon. Yes, this is as stressful as
it sounds. Pluto is triggering your earliest emotional imprints, insisting
you deal with the patterns of your childhood. Put simply, your relationship
with your mother is up—big time.
Any difficult
Pluto transit feels as if the rug has been pulled out from under us. Ultimately,
Pluto wants us to transform unconscious behavior. And what we aren't willing
to acknowledge, Pluto fixates on, often bringing us our issues in externalized
experiences.
The power
struggles you faced as a child, the need to express yourself without judgment
and the template of serving the needs of others before your own are all
being stimulated by Pluto. At the core, Pluto is asking you to deal with
these deeply ingrained patterns, particularly the profound sense of alienation
you experienced as a child.
So it's quite
possible your boyfriend is looking an awful lot like your mother—at least
energetically. His demands may seem unreasonable. You could be seeing
him as selfish. Communication may be difficult. And because the whole
situation feels emotionally overwhelming, you may find yourself dissolving
into old childhood reactive behavior you thought was long gone.
But that's
not all. Transiting Uranus is also squaring your Sun. When Uranus catalyzes
the Sun, it's impossible to maintain the status quo. If you've always
put your partner's needs before your own (as you learned to do from your
mother), Uranus is now insisting you meet your own needs first. Behavior
you easily tolerated before is no longer acceptable.
Put
simply, something's got to give.
Your boyfriend's
birth chart expresses similar themes. And he, too, is currently experiencing
several difficult transits.
His natal
chart contains a Saturn-Moon conjunction, indicating an equally difficult
relationship with his mother. Saturn conjunct the Moon often manifests
as a highly-critical or depressed mother. This Saturn-Moon conjunction
occurs in his Seventh House of relationship, encouraging him to choose
partners who resemble his mother emotionally. What's more, he also has
a deep need to be the authority in all his intimate interactions.
In his natal
chart, Uranus in the First House opposes that Saturn-Moon conjunction.
He wrestles with the need for personal freedom and the desire for
a solid relationship. This entire bundle translates into a complexity
of emotions that may often leave him feeling conflicted and uncertain
about commitment.
At the moment,
transiting Pluto is squaring his natal Pluto, raising issues of personal
power, safety and security. He may be needier than usual and self-conscious
about it.
Synchronistically,
transiting Uranus is sextiling his Sun, fueling the need for greater independence
and urging him to break free from uncomfortable situations.
And there's
more. Transiting Saturn is squaring his natal Moon. When Saturn squares
the Moon, it creates emotional earthquakes. If your relationship is built
on the quicksand of fear or denial, it's not likely to withstand the impact
of Saturn.
It's a difficult
emotional time for both of you.
A comparison of your charts reveals lots of positive connective tissue.
These strong connections serve as the durative glue that keeps us together.
A comparison also spotlights the difficulties. And this is where we find
the friction of personal growth.
First the
good news. Venus blesses your interactions. Your Venus sextiles his Moon,
trines his Mercury and trines his Uranus. Venus represents love, beauty
and values. These Venus contacts manifest as a shared sensibility and
good communication. You're friends. But you're also lovers. There's exciting
sexual chemistry between your charts amplified by a Venus-Mars square.
You generate a lot of heat.
Many Mercury
aspects between your charts provide the potential for stimulating conversation.
You enjoy each other's mental perspective. And you appreciate each other's
intellect and insight.
Jupiter also
bestows several gifts to your relationship. Your Jupiter trines his Moon,
sextiles his Jupiter and trines his Saturn. And his Jupiter trines your
Mars. Jupiter loves to laugh, have fun and indulge in the pleasures of
life, and encourages you to do the same.
Now the not
so good news: Your boyfriend's Pluto squares your Moon, opposes your Saturn,
and squares your Mercury. He pushes the very same buttons as your mother,
aggravating issues of power and control. There's a fight going on between
you, conscious or unconscious, about who's going to be the boss.
Because you
were both overwhelmed by your mothers, it is highly likely you both revert
to a child's perspective when difficulties arise in your relationship.
It is possible to work through this challenge, but you both have to be
willing to hunker down and face your individual patterns. Couples counseling
will help, but only if you're committed to doing the personal work.
Saturn, Uranus
and Pluto transits aren't easy. And maintaining a loving relationship
in the midst of this astro-intensity requires determination. It also requires
compassion for each other and for yourself. Give yourself time. Breaking
through old dysfunction doesn't happen overnight. But it can happen.
You can be
successful at creating a relationship that makes you both happy. But not
without a lot of hard work.
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