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Dear Ralfee:

I am trying to get a compatibility chart done for my boyfriend and me. He was born April 8, 1964, in Cambridge, Massachusetts at 1:43 pm EST. I was born on November 11, 1965, in Brooklyn, New York at 2:14 am EST. Any info you could provide would be helpful.

Thank you, C.

Dear C.:

Both you and your boyfriend are currently under a lot of astro-stress. Saturn, Uranus and Pluto are all affecting your individual birth charts. Whenever we experience important personal transits, our relationships reflect the intensity. So my hunch is you're wondering if your relationship is ultimately worth the effort it will take to make it work.

While astrology can't determine the ultimate value of any relationship, an astrological perspective can highlight the positive and negative ties that bind. But before comparing your charts, it's important to understand both your individual relationship themes and what's currently causing turmoil in your lives.

Intimate connections with significant others always trigger family of origin dynamics. When we love someone, deep unconscious patterns rise to the surface. These imprints, formed during the earliest years of childhood, affect how we relate to ourselves and to others for the rest of our lives. Even if we've done a ton of therapy, and think we've worked through all our issues, an intimate relationship always reveals another facet of this emotional template.

As karma would have it, we are often drawn to people who replicate our family patterns. What's more, we gravitate to people who share the very same issues—even if they don't appear to at first.

Since you asked for advice, I'll start with your birth chart. Your natal chart contains several planetary contacts that speak to relationship issues. And Pluto is currently hitting all of these planets hard.

First, you were born with a Pluto-Moon square. The Moon symbolizes the mother. Pluto represents issues of power and control. Squares create friction. Pluto square your Moon is an indication of a difficult relationship with your mother. This tension often manifests as power struggles.

As well-intentioned as your mother may have been, her message to you, overt or covert, was “do it my way and you'll get my love.” And while you may have actively resisted her demands as a teenager, when you were a small child, you didn't really have a choice. The result may be an unconscious belief that in order to be loved, you need to be useful.

On the positive end of the Pluto-Moon spectrum, you are passionate, highly intuitive, and have an unrelenting need for emotional authenticity. Feelings matter. A lot. But handling that kind of emotional intensity as a child was difficult. So it's more than likely you were often criticized for being too intense and too sensitive.

What's more, your natal Saturn squares your Moon. Saturn is a disciplinarian, and often manifests its stern voice in the form of criticism. Saturn square the Moon amplifies your mother's need to be in control and adds a critical tone to her admonitions. Her litany of what could be better about you damaged your self-esteem. Indeed, a sense that something is wrong with you may still shackle you to self-criticism or make you highly critical of others.

But that's not all. Your natal Mercury opposes your Moon and Saturn squares Mercury. This configuration increases an already too-tense situation. Mercury is in your Third House of communication. You may have spent a great deal of your young life searching for just the right words to express your feelings. But because of the impact of Saturn, you may have often felt misunderstood, frustrated and unappreciated.

At the moment, transiting Pluto is sitting on your natal Mercury, as it simultaneously squares your Saturn and opposes your Moon. Yes, this is as stressful as it sounds. Pluto is triggering your earliest emotional imprints, insisting you deal with the patterns of your childhood. Put simply, your relationship with your mother is up—big time.

Any difficult Pluto transit feels as if the rug has been pulled out from under us. Ultimately, Pluto wants us to transform unconscious behavior. And what we aren't willing to acknowledge, Pluto fixates on, often bringing us our issues in externalized experiences.

The power struggles you faced as a child, the need to express yourself without judgment and the template of serving the needs of others before your own are all being stimulated by Pluto. At the core, Pluto is asking you to deal with these deeply ingrained patterns, particularly the profound sense of alienation you experienced as a child.

So it's quite possible your boyfriend is looking an awful lot like your mother—at least energetically. His demands may seem unreasonable. You could be seeing him as selfish. Communication may be difficult. And because the whole situation feels emotionally overwhelming, you may find yourself dissolving into old childhood reactive behavior you thought was long gone.

But that's not all. Transiting Uranus is also squaring your Sun. When Uranus catalyzes the Sun, it's impossible to maintain the status quo. If you've always put your partner's needs before your own (as you learned to do from your mother), Uranus is now insisting you meet your own needs first. Behavior you easily tolerated before is no longer acceptable.

Put simply, something's got to give.

Your boyfriend's birth chart expresses similar themes. And he, too, is currently experiencing several difficult transits.

His natal chart contains a Saturn-Moon conjunction, indicating an equally difficult relationship with his mother. Saturn conjunct the Moon often manifests as a highly-critical or depressed mother. This Saturn-Moon conjunction occurs in his Seventh House of relationship, encouraging him to choose partners who resemble his mother emotionally. What's more, he also has a deep need to be the authority in all his intimate interactions.

In his natal chart, Uranus in the First House opposes that Saturn-Moon conjunction. He wrestles with the need for personal freedom and the desire for a solid relationship. This entire bundle translates into a complexity of emotions that may often leave him feeling conflicted and uncertain about commitment.

At the moment, transiting Pluto is squaring his natal Pluto, raising issues of personal power, safety and security. He may be needier than usual and self-conscious about it.

Synchronistically, transiting Uranus is sextiling his Sun, fueling the need for greater independence and urging him to break free from uncomfortable situations.

And there's more. Transiting Saturn is squaring his natal Moon. When Saturn squares the Moon, it creates emotional earthquakes. If your relationship is built on the quicksand of fear or denial, it's not likely to withstand the impact of Saturn.

It's a difficult emotional time for both of you.

A comparison of your charts reveals lots of positive connective tissue. These strong connections serve as the durative glue that keeps us together. A comparison also spotlights the difficulties. And this is where we find the friction of personal growth.

First the good news. Venus blesses your interactions. Your Venus sextiles his Moon, trines his Mercury and trines his Uranus. Venus represents love, beauty and values. These Venus contacts manifest as a shared sensibility and good communication. You're friends. But you're also lovers. There's exciting sexual chemistry between your charts amplified by a Venus-Mars square. You generate a lot of heat.

Many Mercury aspects between your charts provide the potential for stimulating conversation. You enjoy each other's mental perspective. And you appreciate each other's intellect and insight.

Jupiter also bestows several gifts to your relationship. Your Jupiter trines his Moon, sextiles his Jupiter and trines his Saturn. And his Jupiter trines your Mars. Jupiter loves to laugh, have fun and indulge in the pleasures of life, and encourages you to do the same.

Now the not so good news: Your boyfriend's Pluto squares your Moon, opposes your Saturn, and squares your Mercury. He pushes the very same buttons as your mother, aggravating issues of power and control. There's a fight going on between you, conscious or unconscious, about who's going to be the boss.

Because you were both overwhelmed by your mothers, it is highly likely you both revert to a child's perspective when difficulties arise in your relationship. It is possible to work through this challenge, but you both have to be willing to hunker down and face your individual patterns. Couples counseling will help, but only if you're committed to doing the personal work.

Saturn, Uranus and Pluto transits aren't easy. And maintaining a loving relationship in the midst of this astro-intensity requires determination. It also requires compassion for each other and for yourself. Give yourself time. Breaking through old dysfunction doesn't happen overnight. But it can happen.

You can be successful at creating a relationship that makes you both happy. But not without a lot of hard work.



Ralfee Finn is the creator of The Aquarium Age, a weekly and monthly astrology column published nationwide and featured at Committed to compassion, knowledge and growth, Ralfee brings the gifts of clarity and common sense to the often confusing waters of metaphysics and new age philosophy.

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For more information about Ralfee Finn, click here.

Other StarIQ articles by Ralfee Finn:

  • Aquarium Age   8/9/2007
  • Aquarium Age   11/10/2005
  • Aquarium Age   9/22/2005
  • Aquarium Age   2/3/2005
  • Aquarium Age   1/6/2005
  • Aquarium Age 10-26-01   10/26/2001
  • Aquarium Age 10-5-01   10/5/2001
  • Aquarium Age 9-28-01   9/28/2001
  • Aquarium Age 9-21-01   9/21/2001
  • Aquarium Age 9-13-01   9/13/2001
  • Aquarium Age 9-7-01   9/7/2001
  • Aquarium Age 9-7-01   9/7/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-31-01   8/30/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-31-01   8/30/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-17-01   8/24/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-24-01   8/24/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-17-01   8/17/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-17-01   8/17/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-10-01   8/10/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-10-01   8/10/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-3-01   8/3/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-3-01   8/3/2001
  • Aquarium Age 7-27-01   7/27/2001
  • Aquarium Age 7-13-01   7/13/2001
  • Aquarium Age 7-13-01   7/13/2001
  • Aquarium Age 7-6-01   7/6/2001
  • Aquarium Age 6-29-01   6/29/2001
  • Aquarium Age 6-22-01   6/22/2001
  • Aquarium Age 6-15-01   6/15/2001
  • Aquarium Age 6-7-01   6/8/2001
  • Aquarium Age 6-1-01   6/1/2001
  • Aquarium Age 5-18-01   5/17/2001
  • Aquarium Age 5-04-01   5/4/2001
  • Aquarium Age 5-4-01   5/4/2001

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