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Dear Ralfee:

This is my situation: I have been dating this man for five years. We talk of marriage, but he always seems to back down and not follow through. When will we get married? I've brought up a wedding date of next April 28, 2001. Do you think it will happen? What other months are good for us next year?

Please email me with your response. I'm 31 years old and want to move forward in my life. I love this man very much, but the thought of him not committing and me moving on is a little scary since there are no other potential men. Do you see other potential men in my chart? My birthday is October 16, 1969, 6:01 pm in Cleveland Ohio. My boyfriend’s birthday is April 29, 1969, 7:14 am, also in Cleveland.

Thanks so much!


Dear C.:

Before I even go into an astrological explanation, let's talk girl to girl. If you've been dating a guy for five years and he always backs down when it comes to marriage, you've got your answer. He's not willing to commit. You're not willing to hear his "no." Sure, there are fairy tales about the woman who waits for her man to come to his senses and realize he's better off with her than without her. But it sounds like you're hanging on to this relationship because you're afraid no one else will come along. That's not a good reason to get married.

Nature always fills a vacuum. Let go of a bad relationship, do the personal work it takes to figure out what kept you in it for so long, get out there in the world with a whole new attitude and find the guy who thinks you're the best thing since sliced bread. It's neither good for the heart nor the soul to cling to a relationship that isn't reciprocal. It damages self-respect. What's more, even if he decides to marry you, you've already set the tone for what your marriage will look like—you'll be waiting for him to make all the important decisions. And that's not healthy for either of you.

Because you're a Libra, letting go won't be easy. Libra is the sign of marriage. Relationship is everything to you. What's more, your Libra Sun is conjunct Jupiter in your Seventh House, the natural home of Libra and the sector of the chart that holds marriage. This placement amplifies your need to be partnered. Being in a relationship not only makes you happy, it also gives you an identity.

But this longing for connection casts a shadow. A fixation to be partnered easily translates into codependence and the inability to have a self separate and distinct from the object of your affection—something you're already experiencing in your current relationship as you wait for him to decide your destiny.

Your boyfriend's chart reveals he has a different attitude toward relationship than you do. He has Neptune in his Seventh House, which makes him highly idealistic about marriage. Also a little vague. His Neptune sextiles your Venus. But, again, as you've experienced, that's not a strong enough contact to produce a definite decision.

He does have Mars in Sagittarius in the Seventh House. Mars is active and energetic. His Mars sextiles your Jupiter, sparking connection between you. But his Mars isn't directly connected to any other planet in his chart, and this lack of connection might make it harder for him to feel certain about his partnership choices.

This uncertainty is amplified by a concentration of planets—Pluto, Jupiter, Uranus and the Moon—in his Fifth House. The Fifth House is all about romance and fun. He needs exciting, stimulating interactions that involve an element of risk. While marriage is probably the biggest risk we take, other than being born or having children, to a Moon-Uranus-Jupiter conjunction in the Fifth House, settling down feels like the end of the game. Dull, stagnant and boring.

Your Mercury-Uranus conjunction in Libra sits right on top of his Uranus-Moon conjunction. How you think and what you say are emotionally stimulating to him, which is why he talks about marriage. But Uranus is a highly unstable force, and it seldom cements a relationship.

Both of you will experience significant Seventh House transits next year. Starting in December of 2001 and continuing until October 2003, Pluto will sit on your boyfriend's Mars. This is a tough ride. If you convince him to get married during this time, you're in for an even rougher ride. At some point, he's likely to resent you for "pushing" him into marriage.

On the postive end of this Pluto-Mars transit, he could transform his attitude toward relationship, and eventually feel like making a commitment. But that choice won't come easy. Mars is the ego, and when Pluto sits on it, we wrestle with issues of selfishness and self-centeredness. While Pluto sits on his Mars, your boyfriend will be thinking about himself, not about you. That will hurt. Trust me.

Your Seventh House transits paint a completely different picture. Transiting Uranus is currently trining your natal Jupiter in the Seventh House. This is the reason you want to get married. Now. Next year, Uranus will trine your Sun in the Seventh House. Uranus rules surprises. You could receive a sudden proposal. You could also experience a startling break-up. As Uranus catalyzes upset, it often produces unique events. You could get married in April and divorced in October.

One more bit: These Uranus transits are just as likely to ignite several new romantic possibilities. There are plenty of fish in the sea. But you have to go fishing to catch one.

What's most important about these Uranus transits is simple: You're being asked to revolutionize your attitude about relationship. Most of us tend to think of a relationship as a noun rather than a verb. We think it's something we own instead of something we participate in. As owners we tend to dictate terms. We either want the other person to become us, or we're willing to become the other person in order to maintain the connection.

Learning to relate to someone we love without losing ourselves in the process is both the lesson and gift of Libra. A healthy relationship is an active partnership built and maintained by two distinct individuals. Use this time to find yourself in your relationship. Then, from that vantage point, decide what you want.



Ralfee Finn is the creator of The Aquarium Age, a weekly and monthly astrology column published nationwide and featured at Committed to compassion, knowledge and growth, Ralfee brings the gifts of clarity and common sense to the often confusing waters of metaphysics and new age philosophy.

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For more information about Ralfee Finn, click here.

Other StarIQ articles by Ralfee Finn:

  • Aquarium Age   8/9/2007
  • Aquarium Age   11/10/2005
  • Aquarium Age   9/22/2005
  • Aquarium Age   2/3/2005
  • Aquarium Age   1/6/2005
  • Aquarium Age 10-26-01   10/26/2001
  • Aquarium Age 10-5-01   10/5/2001
  • Aquarium Age 9-28-01   9/28/2001
  • Aquarium Age 9-21-01   9/21/2001
  • Aquarium Age 9-13-01   9/13/2001
  • Aquarium Age 9-7-01   9/7/2001
  • Aquarium Age 9-7-01   9/7/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-31-01   8/30/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-31-01   8/30/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-17-01   8/24/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-24-01   8/24/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-17-01   8/17/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-17-01   8/17/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-10-01   8/10/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-10-01   8/10/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-3-01   8/3/2001
  • Aquarium Age 8-3-01   8/3/2001
  • Aquarium Age 7-27-01   7/27/2001
  • Aquarium Age 7-13-01   7/13/2001
  • Aquarium Age 7-13-01   7/13/2001
  • Aquarium Age 7-6-01   7/6/2001
  • Aquarium Age 6-29-01   6/29/2001
  • Aquarium Age 6-22-01   6/22/2001
  • Aquarium Age 6-15-01   6/15/2001
  • Aquarium Age 6-7-01   6/8/2001
  • Aquarium Age 6-1-01   6/1/2001
  • Aquarium Age 5-18-01   5/17/2001
  • Aquarium Age 5-04-01   5/4/2001
  • Aquarium Age 5-4-01   5/4/2001

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