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Dear
Ralfee:
I was born February 7, 1951, at 3:17 PM, in Little Rock, Arkansas. I've devoted my energy
to helping others and the environment in a big way. Now I've resolved
to take care of myself. It's a complicated task full of contradictions.
I'm sensitive to the chemical soup pot of the world we live in that others
try to ignore. My family drains
my energy to the point where I don't know who “me” is. Will I assume a
definite role as an individual and still fullfill my family conmittments or
should I give up trying?
H.
Dear H.,
Trying to balance the needs of the many with the needs of the one is an
age-old conundrum that's made many a caring soul crazy. But for you, solving
this riddle is a personal quest. Your birth chart speaks to great depth
and concern for both your immediate family and the family of man.
Unfortunately, kind-hearted concern often devolves into self-denial. Altruistic
movements for change proselytize about the need to relinquish the self
in the name of some greater good. And while this sounds noble, it's not
necessarily the wisest course. Oppress the self and it will rise up in
protest. The longer you hold the ego down, the stronger the ego's need
for expression. So it's not surprising that after so many years of devoting
your life to honorable causes, you're feeling determined to devote yourself
to you.
From an astrological perspective, you are completely in sync with several
significant transits, all of which are instigating a deeply personal revolution.
You have an opportunity to cut through the Gordian Knot of "helping."
And while this process is confusing, it will ultimately lead you to greater
clarity. You're moving out of the mire of personal sacrifice and into
the realm of authentic stewardship.
Let's start with your Sun in Aquarius. The Sun represents our internal
ground of being. It's how we see the world from the inside out. Aquarius
is the sign of humanitarian endeavors and utopian ideals. You see the
world through the lens of an idealist, and your glasses are tinted with
possibility and potential.
Uranus, the ruler of Aquarius, has been sitting on your Sun since February
of this year and will continue this conjunction until February 2001. This
powerful transit, which occurs only once every 84 years, is turning your
view of the world upside down and inside out. Personal revolution is the
energetic signature of this transit. Even if you're already a bona fide
member of the radical club, transiting Uranus conjunct the Sun finds that
one place where you're still clinging to the status quo. If you abhor
selfishness, maybe it's time to reconsider. Perhaps there is such a thing
as being self-ish. And maybe that's not such a bad thing.
Uranus conjunct the Sun also excites the need for personal freedom. Especially
if you've taken care of others all your life because it was the "right"
thing to do, but secretly resented being the caretaker.
Of course it's possible to have a self and still care about others. But
in order to create this new role, you need to release the value systems
convincing you that giving is best.
Fortunately, transiting Pluto is focused on this ideological overhaul.
From January of 2000 until November of 2001, Pluto is squaring your
Mars and Jupiter, conjunct in Pisces, in your Ninth House.
Your natal Mars in Pisces is a contributing factor to your crisis of selfhood.
Mars provides the energy to individuate, but Pisces stimulates the urge
to merge. This placement makes it harder to establish a strong individuated
ego.
Pluto's square is aimed at transforming your ego. As part of this Plutonian
process, unconscious or repressed ambitions and desires surface. Combine
this Pluto transit with Uranus conjunct your Sun, and the need to put yourself
first is impossible to deny.
But that's not all. Transiting Pluto is also squaring your natal Jupiter.
Jupiter searches for the biggest possible perspective and its position
in your natal Ninth House is part of what powers your global concern.
The Ninth House is also the home of belief systems. As Pluto triggers
this sector of your chart, it's urging you to reach higher and deeper.
Unfortunately, Pluto's intensity often awakens a deep sense of alienation
and futility. You're in the limbo land of transition caught between the
dissolution of old ideologies and the not quite formed terrain of a new
approach.
What's more, Jupiter rules your natal Sixth House. On the surface, the
Sixth House holds the themes of health, small animals and employment.
But at its core, the Sixth House is about service and ecology. It's the
sector of the chart where we acknowledge the interconnectedness of life
and honor our role as stewards of the Earth.
Natal Chiron in your Sixth House makes the question of service a life-long exploration. Indeed, the approach of your Chiron return, in December
2001, is another factor in your current conflict. Nicknamed the Wounded
Healer, Chiron symbolizes where we experience a fundamental split between
our very human nature, with all of the ego's needs, and our desire to be
divine—or in the context of your chart, selfless.
Often, the desire to be of service expresses itself as personal sacrifice.
But setting aside the self before the self is expressed distorts the meaning
of service. “Physician heal thyself” is an affirmation of the true meaning
of the Sixth House. Our personal journey deepens our skill, helping us
to assess how and where our energies can be best spent.
Service isn't about suffering. We serve best when we serve with gladness.
When the heart is happy, that joy spreads like a wildfire and helping
becomes effortless. Taking care of the self, first, protects us from the
burn out of caring for others. Authentic selflessness happens when the
belly of the self is full and satisfied.
Don't shy away from the contradictions. Embrace them. Let them teach you
what needs to change. Don't give up. You're in an intense process of cleaning
up your own personal chemical spill. At the end of this journey lies an
entirely new perspective.
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