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Dear
Ralfee:
 I
have been experiencing depression and extreme anxiety. It seems to be
centered in my home. I am afraid of fire, of things stopping working and
just general anxiety. I also have a great fear concerning my husband.
I am afraid when he leaves and I die with anxiety until he is home again
safely. I find myself trying to go with him so I will know he is safe.
I have suffered anxiety problems in my life but this seems way out of
control. Do you have any suggestions other than going to a psychiatrist?
I was born October 24, 1939, at 7:12 am in Las Vegas, New Mexico. Any
insight you could give me would be helpful.
Thanks, S.D.
Dear
S.D.:
One of the
gifts of living in the modern world is the ability to draw from the well
of many remedies. Acute anxiety and/or depression are terribly debilitating.
I don't know why you wouldn't want to go to a psychiatrist. A good, sensitive
doctor could prescribe the appropriate medication. Alternative treatments
can also work and do offer assistance. But there's neither blame nor shame
in getting immediate relief from Western medicine. A good anti-anxiety
drug takes the edge off. It's like taking a deep psychic breath and feeling
your feet touch solid ground. What's more, the proper medication could
clear a pathway for delving beneath the symptoms and exploring the deeper
issues. I realize you feel strongly about seeing a doctor, but what you
may need, first, is a medical respite from your suffering.
From an astrological
perspective, several factors in your birth chart indicate a tendency toward
depression and anxiety.
Let's start
with your natal Saturn-Sun opposition. Your Sun is in Scorpio, in your
Twelfth House. The Sun is our essential self and represents our internal
ground of being. The waters of Scorpio run deep. A Scorpio comes into
this world sensing the many unspoken undercurrents of motivation and intention.
A difficult childhood can turn this innate sensitivity into a suspicious
nature. As an adult, it is likely to turn into the need for control.
The Twelfth
House is the sector of the chart that holds the 90 percent of the brain
we're not actively using. It's the home of the unconscious. And it's a
secluded house. When we have a planet or planets in the Twelfth House,
we feel cut off from the full throttle of that planet's energy. So it's
quite likely you often feel like you can't access your full power.
What's more,
your Saturn-Sun opposition further inhibits the Sun's rays from shining
brightly. Saturn opposed the Sun is apt to manifest as constrained vitality
and a critical nature. In your chart, this opposition spells brooding.
You can chew on words, events and circumstances just like a dog chews
on a bone. Scorpio doesn't let go easily. And neither does Saturn.
This Saturn-Sun
opposition also signals a difficult relationship with your father. He
could have been highly critical of you, or pessimistic and paranoid about
life. He, too, may have suffered from depression. Often, difficult Saturn-Sun
aspects indicate a stern father who withdraws or punishes.
Your natal
Pluto, in the Ninth House, exacerbates this severe energy as it squares
both your Sun and Saturn. This t-square is another factor in your inclination
toward depression and anxiety. Pluto square the Sun points toward power
issues with your father. And Pluto square your Saturn indicates those
struggles could turn cruel. T-squares create tremendous tension. This
t-square needs an outlet through open, honest communication and intimacy.
If you're afraid of what you feel, that could be a problem.
But that's
not all. Your natal Moon in Pisces, in your Fourth House of home life,
makes you exceptionally sensitive to an unkind environment. Again, as
a child, you would have been highly susceptible to your surroundings.
What's more, Neptune, the planet of fantasy, opposes your Moon in Pisces,
amplifying the power of your imagination. A harsh word can be just as
damaging as physical abuse to a deeply sensitive little girl.
And there's
more. Your North Node, in Libra, is also conjunct your Sun in the Twelfth
House. Put simply, the North Node is what we are reaching toward. This
placement is an invitation to make your unconscious user-friendly. But
it's important to search for these treasures with proven tools. Exploring
your childhood through a sound psychological framework could expand
your understanding of the how and why of your depression and anxiety.
Again, from
an astrological viewpoint, it's no surprise you're currently in an extreme
state of anxiety. Transiting Uranus is positioned at the very bottom of
your chart, or the I.C. The I.C. (Imum Coeli) is the floor of the psychic pond,
and buried in the mud are the earliest imprints of childhood. When Uranus
sits on this point, it catalyzes our earliest themes. Uranus is a highly
volatile energy, closely associated with the nervous system. So when it
disturbs the I.C., childhood fears, often pre-verbal and unconscious,
rise to the surface of daily life. If we are unaware of what needs to
shift, this energy can translate into unspecified anxiety and restlessness.
Transiting
Uranus is also squaring your natal Uranus in your Seventh House of marriage.
This may well be the reason your anxiety is focused on your husband and
his safety. There's a sense during Uranus transits that anything can happen.
Your innate sensitivity would be hyper-alert to the possibility of startling
events. But what you might be doing is projecting your unresolved childhood
fears for your own safety onto your husband.
Delving into
your family-of-origin dynamics, with the resolve to get to the cause of
your anxiety and depression would be the wisest course of action. But
this journey can't be done alone. Finding the missing pieces of our personal
puzzle and working through the pain of those memories is too complex and
overwhelming for anyone to accomplish alone. Even the strongest and most
optimistic of souls needs assistance along this path of healing.
There's no
reason to shy away from good, sound psychological help. At best, it provides
the tools for understanding the causal level of your suffering. Uncovering
the roots of your anxiety and depression through therapy will help you
come into greater peace and calm. If you've had bad experiences with therapists,
keep interviewing candidates until you find a good one. Fear isn't fun—ever.
My best advice is to search for a guide—someone with a lot of experience,
a very big heart and a trustworthy nature.
Ralfee
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