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Dear
Ralfee:
I have been
studying astrology for a while, but as is well known I can't be objective
with my own chart. Can you help me?
 My
question centers on the type of partner that would be good for me, especially
considering my love life or lack of one. I have not dated for over five
years, but feel like I am ready to go forward with this aspect of my life.
(I had decided to work through some of my issues after two less than satisfying
relationships. I took on the Moon in Capricorn role and became the responsible
party while my partners took on the addictive role.) I was born on October
17, 1950, at 11:48 pm in Hays, Kansas.
Thanks, B.T.
Dear
B.T.:
While I could
offer plenty of advice from an astrological perspective about what type
of partner might be good for you, in the end, I won't be right. Choosing
a partner is a complex process, far greater than the scope of astrology.
Romantic prospects often look fantastic on paper, but when it comes to
the nitty gritty of relating, that perfect astrological pick may not perform
according to an astrologer's intuition.
What
I can do is offer some insight into the relationship themes expressed
in your birth chart. Several planetary threads weave a complex fabric.
Your relationship pattern is often contradictory, making it hard for you
to know what you want and what you need.
Let's start
with your Sun in Libra, the sign of relationship. Libra covers the entire
spectrum of relationship, from the personal to the professional, including
our relationship with ourselves.
Libra is
the sign where we learn to relate to another human being as an equal.
Symbolized by the scales, Libra seeks a balance between two separate beings
in search of intimate connection. This process isn't about losing yourself
in the other person. Nor is it about asking that person to become you.
It's about creating a fluid equilibrium that includes and respects your
differences.
Often, those
Libra scales tip wildly to the extremes before we discover how to be a
whole self in relation to another whole self. As you mull over your previous
partnerships, try thinking about relationship as a verb rather than a
noun. True partnership of any kind is something we participate in, not
something we own. Instead of blaming yourself for past mistakes, see your
choices as part of an ongoing process.
Several planets
affect your Libra Sun, coloring how you envision and express your desires
in relationship. Your
natal Neptune is conjunct your natal Venus. Both planets are in Libra, conjunct
your Sun. A Neptune-Venus conjunction is exceptionally idealistic about
love. Neptune rules imagination. Venus embraces love and beauty. This
conjunction makes you highly empathetic and feeds a strong need to merge
with the one you love.
Add the energy
of the Sun to this Neptune-Venus conjunction, and you're likely to build
your identity based on your ability to be an understanding, sensitive
partner.
The downside
of a Neptune-Venus-Sun conjunction is the strong tendency to project.
It's hard to see your partner as a separate individual, with needs different
from your own. What's more, in prior relationships you may have met your
partner's every need, hoping your efforts would be returned in kind.
But your
Capricorn Moon doesn't allow others to help you easily. The Moon is our
emotional body and reveals how we react in intimate situations. A Capricorn
Moon is sober and realistic. It keeps us tethered to the Earth with an
I-can-do-it-all attitude. That self-reliance could keep you from asking
for help. Unfortunately, when the responsibilities in a relationship are
lopsided, resentment festers. A misunderstood Capricorn Moon withdraws
into solitude, reticent to share its feelings.
Here's where
the contradiction in your relationship pattern starts to emerge. Your
Sun in Libra squares your Moon in Capricorn. Squares generate friction.
You long for the perfect union as you simultaneously insist on being realistic.
Further complicating this split, your Sun squares your
Cancer Ascendant as your Moon opposes your Ascendant. This configuration is called a t-square,
and it produces considerable tension.
Cancer is
the sign of nurturing. The Ascendant, or rising sign, is the point of
personality. When Cancer is rising, caring is everything. But this t-square
generates mixed messages, and deciphering the code isn't easy. Synthesis
is the key to uniting these contrasting forces. Use the sobriety of your
Moon to temper your idealism and tone down your need to mother your partners.
Remember,
Libra wants an equal. If you're busy doing all the caretaking, you probably
aren't leaving room for someone to take care of you. Yes, vulnerability
creates the possibility of heartbreak. But it also opens the doors of
intimacy.
Being in
control comes easily to you. And that's the other relationship thread
running through your birth chart. Natal Pluto trines your natal Mars.
Pluto is the planet of power. Mars is the energy of individuation. When
they form a positive union, they bestow the gift of tremendous personal
power, as well as enormous strength and energy. Pluto is in your First
House of personality. Mars is in your Fifth House of romance. The combined
effect is a dazzling intensity.
Early in
life, others may have found this configuration overwhelming. It's one
thing to be fifty and know what you want. It's another to be a teenager
in hot hormonal pursuit of other teenagers not quite as certain or strong
as you are.
What's more,
Chiron conjuncts your natal Mars and trines Pluto. The presence of Chiron
signals the possibility of being shamed for your intensely passionate
nature. You may have been too intimidating to those of lesser passion
and too young to understand why. If, as a young girl, you were rejected
for being too bold, those rejections would have a deep and lasting impact.
As a way of compensating, you might have decided consciously or unconsciously
to keep a lid on your needs, sublimating your desires in order to meet
the expectations of others.
In February
of this year, transiting Pluto began a conjunction to your natal Mars
that will last until December 2002. (Your natal Mars is under many other
aspects, far too numerous to delineate in detail.) While this Pluto
transit is difficult, it does offer opportunities to heal those early wounds to
your sense of self.
Most importantly,
this transit is about coming into your own power. Pluto weeds out what's
corrupt. It might feel scary at first to acknowledge just how strong you
are. Again, if there are any lingering shame-based patterns about being
too bold, this is the time to work through the inhibiting paralysis of
that shame.
You're an
extremely gentle spirit expressing yourself through a powerful personality.
And the relationship themes expressed in your birth chart reflect that
contrast of yin and yang. Rather than trying to tie your relationship
threads into a neat bundle, give yourself permission to be messy for a
while. Date a lot of people. Pay attention to how the energy flows between
you. Your reactions to these encounters, casual or otherwise, will catalyze
your internal process. As you grow increasingly comfortable with yourself,
you'll draw in an equal who admires your strength, adores your passion
and respects your sensitivity.
Your StarIQ
Advisor,
Ralfee Finn
Send your
question to Advisors@StarIQ.com.
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