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Dear Ralfee:

I have been studying astrology for a while, but as is well known I can't be objective with my own chart. Can you help me?

Astrology Horoscope: B.T.My question centers on the type of partner that would be good for me, especially considering my love life or lack of one. I have not dated for over five years, but feel like I am ready to go forward with this aspect of my life. (I had decided to work through some of my issues after two less than satisfying relationships. I took on the Moon in Capricorn role and became the responsible party while my partners took on the addictive role.) I was born on October 17, 1950, at 11:48 pm in Hays, Kansas.

Thanks, B.T.

Dear B.T.:

While I could offer plenty of advice from an astrological perspective about what type of partner might be good for you, in the end, I won't be right. Choosing a partner is a complex process, far greater than the scope of astrology. Romantic prospects often look fantastic on paper, but when it comes to the nitty gritty of relating, that perfect astrological pick may not perform according to an astrologer's intuition.

What I can do is offer some insight into the relationship themes expressed in your birth chart. Several planetary threads weave a complex fabric. Your relationship pattern is often contradictory, making it hard for you to know what you want and what you need.

Let's start with your Sun in Libra, the sign of relationship. Libra covers the entire spectrum of relationship, from the personal to the professional, including our relationship with ourselves.

Libra is the sign where we learn to relate to another human being as an equal. Symbolized by the scales, Libra seeks a balance between two separate beings in search of intimate connection. This process isn't about losing yourself in the other person. Nor is it about asking that person to become you. It's about creating a fluid equilibrium that includes and respects your differences.

Often, those Libra scales tip wildly to the extremes before we discover how to be a whole self in relation to another whole self. As you mull over your previous partnerships, try thinking about relationship as a verb rather than a noun. True partnership of any kind is something we participate in, not something we own. Instead of blaming yourself for past mistakes, see your choices as part of an ongoing process.

Several planets affect your Libra Sun, coloring how you envision and express your desires in relationship. Your natal Neptune is conjunct your natal Venus. Both planets are in Libra, conjunct your Sun. A Neptune-Venus conjunction is exceptionally idealistic about love. Neptune rules imagination. Venus embraces love and beauty. This conjunction makes you highly empathetic and feeds a strong need to merge with the one you love.

Add the energy of the Sun to this Neptune-Venus conjunction, and you're likely to build your identity based on your ability to be an understanding, sensitive partner.

The downside of a Neptune-Venus-Sun conjunction is the strong tendency to project. It's hard to see your partner as a separate individual, with needs different from your own. What's more, in prior relationships you may have met your partner's every need, hoping your efforts would be returned in kind.

But your Capricorn Moon doesn't allow others to help you easily. The Moon is our emotional body and reveals how we react in intimate situations. A Capricorn Moon is sober and realistic. It keeps us tethered to the Earth with an I-can-do-it-all attitude. That self-reliance could keep you from asking for help. Unfortunately, when the responsibilities in a relationship are lopsided, resentment festers. A misunderstood Capricorn Moon withdraws into solitude, reticent to share its feelings.

Here's where the contradiction in your relationship pattern starts to emerge. Your Sun in Libra squares your Moon in Capricorn. Squares generate friction. You long for the perfect union as you simultaneously insist on being realistic. Further complicating this split, your Sun squares your Cancer Ascendant as your Moon opposes your Ascendant. This configuration is called a t-square, and it produces considerable tension.

Cancer is the sign of nurturing. The Ascendant, or rising sign, is the point of personality. When Cancer is rising, caring is everything. But this t-square generates mixed messages, and deciphering the code isn't easy. Synthesis is the key to uniting these contrasting forces. Use the sobriety of your Moon to temper your idealism and tone down your need to mother your partners.

Remember, Libra wants an equal. If you're busy doing all the caretaking, you probably aren't leaving room for someone to take care of you. Yes, vulnerability creates the possibility of heartbreak. But it also opens the doors of intimacy.

Being in control comes easily to you. And that's the other relationship thread running through your birth chart. Natal Pluto trines your natal Mars. Pluto is the planet of power. Mars is the energy of individuation. When they form a positive union, they bestow the gift of tremendous personal power, as well as enormous strength and energy. Pluto is in your First House of personality. Mars is in your Fifth House of romance. The combined effect is a dazzling intensity.

Early in life, others may have found this configuration overwhelming. It's one thing to be fifty and know what you want. It's another to be a teenager in hot hormonal pursuit of other teenagers not quite as certain or strong as you are.

What's more, Chiron conjuncts your natal Mars and trines Pluto. The presence of Chiron signals the possibility of being shamed for your intensely passionate nature. You may have been too intimidating to those of lesser passion and too young to understand why. If, as a young girl, you were rejected for being too bold, those rejections would have a deep and lasting impact. As a way of compensating, you might have decided consciously or unconsciously to keep a lid on your needs, sublimating your desires in order to meet the expectations of others.

In February of this year, transiting Pluto began a conjunction to your natal Mars that will last until December 2002. (Your natal Mars is under many other aspects, far too numerous to delineate in detail.) While this Pluto transit is difficult, it does offer opportunities to heal those early wounds to your sense of self.

Most importantly, this transit is about coming into your own power. Pluto weeds out what's corrupt. It might feel scary at first to acknowledge just how strong you are. Again, if there are any lingering shame-based patterns about being too bold, this is the time to work through the inhibiting paralysis of that shame.

You're an extremely gentle spirit expressing yourself through a powerful personality. And the relationship themes expressed in your birth chart reflect that contrast of yin and yang. Rather than trying to tie your relationship threads into a neat bundle, give yourself permission to be messy for a while. Date a lot of people. Pay attention to how the energy flows between you. Your reactions to these encounters, casual or otherwise, will catalyze your internal process. As you grow increasingly comfortable with yourself, you'll draw in an equal who admires your strength, adores your passion and respects your sensitivity.

Your StarIQ Advisor,

Ralfee Finn

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Ralfee Finn is the creator of The Aquarium Age, a weekly and monthly astrology column published nationwide and featured at Committed to compassion, knowledge and growth, Ralfee brings the gifts of clarity and common sense to the often confusing waters of metaphysics and new age philosophy.

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For more information about Ralfee Finn, click here.

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