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Dear Jilly:

Astrology Horoscope: JodyAstrology Horoscope: ToddAstrology Horoscope: AlbertI was born December 2, 1962, at 9:40 am in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and am married to a man, Albert, born July 23, 1964 in Kitchener, Ontario, around midnight. We have been married for fourteen years now, and have three wonderful children. The marriage itself has been very stormy, mostly because of me. I lost my sexual interest in my husband early in the marriage and I can't seem to commit, or I am afraid to trust.

I had an affair last year (I told him from the beginning) and moved out. Todd, the man I was with, was born August 22, 1949 in Vancouver, B.C., no time available. It turned out Todd was very violent and mixed up and was able to control me (because I believed in him so blindly and gave him all my power, duh)! He also said that he was trustworthy, but I found out that was not true either. I really thought I had found the man of my dreams and the one true person who was my other half.

I am so mixed up! I wish that I could find the way to be sexually excited by my husband once again. Mr. Vancouver is out of my life by my choice. I couldn't take it anymore, and I want to make my marriage work. Can you please help me?

Jody

Dear Jody:

Before looking at your marriage, I need to share something about your individual chart that will affect you whether you're with your other half (my bias here: that other half doesn't exist for anyone, kid), your better half (your husband—yep, I think he's a prize, and a sexy one at that) or your evil half (the rotten Todd). You have Neptune, planet of confusion and illusion on your Venus (planet of love) in Scorpio, the sign of sexuality and secrets. This placement suggests that you have a certain addiction to trouble and the dark side, and that without those elements you may find ways to create problems within your love life/sex life.

It doesn't have to be this way, though. Scorpio is a sign that (in the positive) is deeply interested in emotional truth and hidden motivations. If you can do some real work on yourself, through therapy, spiritual pursuits, journal writing—whatever works for you—you can begin to discover WHY you seek out so much trouble. I don't know what you do for a living, but if you can funnel some of this mixed up energy into a sexy and creative job, you could be quite a success! With these passionate Scorpio planets in your Tenth House of career you may have unrealized talents as an erotic film producer. Think about it—or something in the same genre, baby—I'm serious!

Learn the Right Lesson From Bad Guy Todd

I'm glad that you got out of your affair with Todd alive. With volatile Pluto on his fiery Moon in Leo, and erratic Uranus along with his clingy Mars in Cancer, the man is a potentially dangerous combination of violence and neediness—the absolute WORST match for someone like you, Jody girl.

Even though this was a very bad experience, there is a good side to it—a really valuable lesson to learn. Todd's Pluto sat on your Mars in Leo in the Eighth House of commitment and sexuality. Pluto sometimes forces us to "kill" a part of our nature that is destructive in order to let a constructive offshoot of this part come to life. The lesson here has to do with Leo in your Eighth House. You need to grow up! Say goodbye to the old part of you that needs drama and adolescent fantasies (UN-evolved Leo qualities). Let that part die so evolved Leo qualities can emerge.

What qualities are those? A slow, simmering, luxurious approach to sexuality and a fierce loyalty (despite your doubts) to the person you love (Albert). This could be your chance to come into your North Node (what you're meant to learn/be in this lifetime) which happens to be in loyal Leo, in your Seventh House of love. It’s no coincidence that your North Node also sits right on Albert's Sun, which suggests that he was a positive, teaching, giving force in past incarnations and can be again in this one—if you let him! This man is good for you, dammit!

Something Mystical: The Key to Your Marriage

It is sad, though, when two fire signs like you, Ms. Sagittarius, and your hubby, Mr. Leo, have lost the hot flame of passion. But I don't think it is completely burnt out. I know that sex is the issue in your marriage that you presented in your letter, so let's get into it, honey.

Neptune in Scorpio plays a key role for both of you in this relationship. Albert has that illusory, addicted-to-trouble Neptune in his relationship house, and it sits on your Venus (just as your own Neptune sits on your Venus). The "trouble" that he may be addicted to is YOU! Rather than keep up this emotionally sado (you) masochistic (him) cycle, why not try something new and more fulfilling?

Neptune is a deeply mystical planet, and Scorpio is fascinated by sexuality. I really get a strong sense that you two would benefit from pursuing a form of mysticism that is compelling to you both, and that would bond you closer together. Maybe it's as simple as taking tantra classes and learning about the mystical aspects of touch. Or maybe it's another form of mystical pursuit. But I highly recommend that you look into a spiritual area that excites you both on a meaningful level. This could really re-ignite your sex life and help you two to create your own secret, magical affair—within the marriage.

And as an extra added incentive: lucky Jupiter goes over Albert's Venus and Mars (his love planets) in June 2001 and his sex appeal could really start to sizzle then if you give him a chance. Jupiter is all about generosity bringing abundance. So be generous to him—with your heart and your body!

Your StarIQ Advisor,

Jill Dearman

Send your question to Advisors@StarIQ.com.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jill Dearman is the author of the gay best sellers Queer Astrology For Men and Queer Astrology For Women (St. Martins Griffin/1999). She has been professionally practicing astrology for twelve years and currently writes horoscopes for the national magazines Twist and Girlfriends as well as numerous papers syndicated via Q Syndicate. She has written about subjects from astrology to literature to film and theater in Mademoiselle, Publishers Weekly and HX. An excerpt from her upcoming novel, The Great Bravura, was featured in Best Lesbian Erotica 2000(Cleis Press). She also writes and produces films. The Village Voice called Dearman a "risk surfing playwright" whose work "shocks and rocks." She is a 1999/2000 artist in residence at HERE in New York City.

Jill is also the author of LoveCycles, an email-delivered guide to love and relationships based on individual birth data, available in the Shop@StarIQ.

Visit the author's website.

Send an email to the author.

For more information about Jill Dearman, click here.

Other StarIQ articles by Jill Dearman:

  • The Bedroom Astrologer 11-15-00   4/5/2014
  • The Bedroom Astrologer 11-1-00   3/8/2014
  • These Men are from Venus   10/5/2013
  • Brendan Fraser: More Than Just a Pretty Face   4/27/2001
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar: Every Girl's Heroine   4/25/2001
  • Geoffrey Rush: The Moody Marquis   3/23/2001
  • Julia Roberts and Benjamin Bratt: Still Peaking   1/30/2001
  • Kate Winslet's Passionate Choices   12/29/2000
  • Helen Hunt and Hank Azaria: What Does This Woman Want?   12/5/2000
  • Bounce Star Ben Affleck: The Ball is in His Court   12/1/2000
  • Charlie's Angels: Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu   11/25/2000
  • Jim Carrey and Renee Zellweger: Dr. Seuss Meets Nurse Betty   11/17/2000
  • Dylan on Dylan   11/10/2000
  • Bono's Return to Roots of Rock   11/4/2000
  • Geena Davis and Bette Midler: Big Stars on the Small Screen   10/27/2000
  • Janet Jackson's Down-to-Earth Planets   10/21/2000
  • Gloria Steinem: Happy At Last   10/14/2000
  • The Strange Musical Path of Bjork   9/26/2000
  • Picture Perfect Couple: Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston   9/15/2000
  • Harrison and Michelle: A Return to Classic Hollywood   9/8/2000
  • Drew Barrymore: Happily Ever After At Last?   9/1/2000
  • Meg Ryan in the Middle   8/18/2000
  • Mark Wahlberg: Marky Mark is Back   8/12/2000
  • The Return of Cat Stevens   8/4/2000
  • Lou Reed and The Smashing Pumpkins: Piscean Themes   7/29/2000
  • Patti Smith: Her Gung Ho Comeback   7/21/2000
  • Rupert Everett: The Ultimate Gemini   7/7/2000
  • Angelina and Billy Bob: Hollywood's Mod, Odd Couple   6/30/2000
  • The Virgin Suicides: New Hollywood Meets Old Hollywood   6/2/2000
  • Opposites Attract On Screen   5/26/2000
  • Beatty and Bening's New Baby   5/19/2000
  • Aquarian Psycho   5/12/2000
  • Puff Daddy and Jennifer Lopez   5/5/2000
  • Chloe Sevigny's Scorpionic Exploration of Sexuality   3/25/2000
  • Water Signs Rule the Cider House   3/23/2000
  • The Tangled Web of Ripley   3/2/2000
  • Aries Grrrl Warriors: Where Will They Go From Here?   2/18/2000

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