One of the
most delightful movies of the past few years was The Object of My
Affection, starring Jennifer Aniston. The film told the story
of a growing friendship between a straight woman and a homosexual man.
Eventually, Aniston's character fell in love with her gay roommate—and
they grew to care so much for each other that the roommate actually considered
committing to a straight relationship.
course, it didn't work. Few novels or movies celebrate the romantic friendship,
even though statistics demonstrate that this sort of involvement can be
the strongest. The romantic friendship is the girl-next-door syndrome,
where childhood friends reach adulthood and suddenly notice that the pigtails
and braces are gone. Romantic friendships develop less because of passionate
physical attraction than interests in common, an easy rapport and a sense
of comfort and security. Sex in a romantic friendship can be intense—but
usually is not the driving force behind the relationship.
to Moon: Male-Female Bonding
comparing charts of two people who are romantically involved (or may become
romantically involved) to gain some insight into the relationship, we
consider aspects (angular relationships) between (a) the Sun in one chart
and the Moon in the other; (b) Venus and Mars, for attraction; (c) both
Mercurys, for communication and (d) Saturn, for potential to endure. With
obsessions, we generally see multiple connections between these planets.
Many can be stressful, creating tension and often jealousy between the
In romantic friendship, there are usually fewer aspects between two charts
than in obsession, and nearly all the aspects are easy (“easy” aspects
are those that show a positive or helpful relationship between the two
planets involved). Usually there is one harmonious aspect between Sun
and Moon, producing enough chemistry to draw them together, but not enough
to create a love-at-first-sight situation. If natal charts existed for
the two protagonists in The Object of My Affection, we'd
probably find this sort of Sun-Moon connection.
to Mars: Physical Attraction
obsessions, I almost always find a double Venus-Mars aspect (meaning there
is more than one connection between the two charts involving Venus or
Mars). Usually, at least one of these connections is challenging, like
a square (difficult 90-degree angle) or opposition (180-degree angle).
romantic friendships, there is usually a single Venus-Mars connection,
and it’s usually harmonious—often a sextile (favorable, 60-degree angle).
This can bring an attraction that lurks beneath the surface until the
couple reaches the point where they want to spend most of their time together.
Unlike obsessions, where lust arises first and emotional intimacy second,
in relationships with one harmonious Venus-Mars aspect, intellectual and
emotional intimacy appear first. Lust results from the bond.
popular movies of the 1980s that celebrated this kind of involvement were
Best Friends, starring Goldie Hawn and Burt Reynolds, and
The Buddy System, starring Susan Sarandon and Richard Dreyfuss.
"I can't share my troubles about you with my best friend," Goldie
sobbed to Burt, "because you're my best friend!"
to Mercury: Communication
Mercury-Mercury combination can be strong in any romantic relationship.
Any aspect between two Mercurys, harmonious or stressful, is better than
no connection at all. In obsessions, this combination can often be challenging,
like a square or opposition. This aspect, especially if it is complicated
by Mars, Uranus or Pluto (meaning one of these planets makes an aspect
to the Mercury of one of the people involved), can result in the strange
sort of bond celebrated in racy novels like those of Kathleen Woodiwiss,
where the couple is constantly fighting but nonetheless can't seem to
live without each other. Reviewers of romance novels refer to this as
the "taming of the shrew syndrome."
a romantic friendship, however, the Mercury-Mercury connection is almost
always harmonious. If Jupiter or Uranus is also involved (aspecting Mercury
in one or both charts), the intellectual rapport between the two can be
very dynamic, almost to the point where they can't wait to have another
discussion. I'm not saying that couples involved in a romantic friendship
never quarrel. However, they probably agree on more matters than the average
couple, and they might enjoy talking together almost as much as making
statistically speaking, the romantic friendship is the kind of bond that
lasts the longest, Saturn aspects between the two charts should be favorable.
If there is no aspect at all between the Saturn of one chart and the Sun,
Moon or Saturn of the other, this hints that the involvement may not last
indefinitely. A chart comparison in any kind of romantic relationship
can contain stressful Saturn aspects, which implies that the relationship
can be difficult, but hard to sever. A favorable connection between the
planets listed above indicates a stable and lasting bond, and is found
most often in romantic friendships, especially where the people were acquainted
for years before becoming involved.
is an old saying: "Your best friend should be your attendant at your wedding.
Unless your best friend is of the opposite sex, in which case you're marrying
the wrong person." Take a good long look at the charts between you and
that nice girl or guy whom you've always thought of as a good friend.
You might make some fascinating discoveries!